When it rains, it pours...

So I said I would write, and I never did. But I do have some very valid excuses, or rather, valid reasons...

Excuses are not pretty, but reasons sound more professional...

In the interest of honesty towards you strangers, I'm gonna tell y'all ALL about it today... so here I go:

Mid October, I had a miscarriage. Boo-hoo... don't get me wrong, it was a very traumatic, scary and sad event, but it was just another sad event to add up to the '09 fall events for me. A month earlier, I buried my grand-father, who really was the best and closest thing I had to a dad all my life.

So yeah, I depressed. The whole was deep and it was dark. My J and I kept fighting or rather, I kept looking for reasons to make him hate me. My little She-devil got on my nerves and my patience was wearing REALLY thin... I felt completely overwhelmed and cried everyday. It was really hard, and still is.

So here it goes, last week I went to my ob/gyn because I was feeling all but normal down-there. Turns out I was already over 4 weeks preggo! How that happened? I. don't. know.

Well I know how I got there, but I don't know how it's physically possible. Anyways, on that same day, my J was on his way to his uncle's, one of the men I admire most in life, funeral. And I had to stay back with She-devil...

So? it may be a blessing in disguise, you say. Well it would if the fetus was developing properly... and according to doc dearest, I have 25% chance of miscarriage AGAIN! Cause, you know, it's really what I feel I can handle right now!

So yeah this whole therapeutic blogging thing just isn't working as I had imagined. Maybe I should just find a subject for this rather then just rant... but then again, it feels nice to put it out there...

This was supposed to be easier.

So I wake up one day and say "why don't I start a blog?" I figured it would give me something to do, a way to pass time, express myself and all. But then suddenly, I find myself with the worse writer's block period I've experienced EVER. Suddenly, nothing I can come up with is good enough for the internets... Everyday, since my last (and second) post, I sit at my computer once everybody has been dropped off, and I stare at the screen.

And it stares back. Mocking. Taunting. Daring me to put myself out there.

And then today, just as I had forgotten about this whole "blogging" ordeal, I go to it to see that somebody read it, liked it and commented on it!!! WOAH! Cool! *pops collar*

So if I'm gonna do this right, and I don't really know what that means, I know I have to be honest, open about what's going on in my life and try to decide whether this should be anonymous or not... Of course, i can take my pic off later on if it comes to this, but for now, I think I'm pretty safe. I should maybe discuss it with my J. But he's dealing with some bigger things these days, so I'll put off talking to him about it.

So this is me, saying : Hello again, Internets!!!! I'll be back tomorrow! Promise!